Seventeen pounds, 4 ounces...yep that's the number that I honestly never expected to see on a scale until we had more kids. But it happened.
Last Thursday we brought Aiden to a routine GI appointment to check his progress and see if we needed to change anything ect. We get undressed and head out of the room to probably the most difficult part of any doctors visit we have with Aiden, a weight check. We go out, set him on the scale almost holding my breath i wait for what the nurse has to say, 17.4 lbs....REALLY?? We just were at genetics a few weeks ago at our highest weight ever, 19.6lbs and how the scale reads 17.4!?! When I say i could have cried right there, that's just about what I did. I'm prepared to have a small child, but we to loose weight was my worst nightmare come true. What were we gonna do? How do I make it stop? I've been trying to do everything the doctors, nurses, nutritionist, feeding specialist, and everyone else have told me to do...what am i doing so wrong??
As a mother my heart more than breaks. I think I struggle with having something so seemingly controlable totally not in my control at all, but then I honestly have to remember that this is not really my child, its God. Aiden belongs to God, his mind, body and health all belong to Him. I have such an honor of being able to raise him up to be the man of God he is called but he is not mine, Aiden is His.
In short, we continue to stay in limbo. All we are told to do right now is wait. Its so hard to wait when I feel like we should be doing something, right now, and quickly. The doctor told me at our visit Aiden has had every test out there that effects weight gain, and theres nothing more than can really do. Our only option would be, if he continues to loose weight he'll have to have a feeding tube put in. We won't have another endoscopy till the summer probably, so those results to see if the new meds are working won't be clear till then. Praying and really starting to help advocate for my child is all I really have left. So if you think about, please pray too.
We all have our pet peves that people say, people do. Mine is when people comment on how small my child is "he's so tiny", "wow why is so small", "is he gonna grow sometime soon?" , "you should feed him more", "give that boy a donut". I try so hard to bite my tongue because I know most people don't mean harm, they just are saying whats true, hes small. The other stuff just cuts right through me. Yes i know my child is small, yes i do feed him (till he stops, I've never cut him off food). I find myself so angry at people, and it boils down to me feeling like I'm a bad mom, that they judge my parenting skills by how "healthy" my child looks. People want to be funny, but there is nothing funny about it. No he doesn't need a donut, he needs help, that's what.
Sorry for the huge vent but honestly I just can't take it anymore, I just cant. Ignorance of people astounds me sometimes.
We are so lucky to have so much love and support all around us and that's truely what I choose to cling to in these times. Thank you all who pray for my little boy and who love him unconditionally.
Hopefully soon more answers will come...in the meantime Lord grant me the patients to wait.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Congratulations. You have successfully signed the petition:
Joint Council Emergency Campaign for Ethiopian Children
You are signer #33471
I love blogs, reading them as well as writing my own. I think its such a cool window into someones life that you might not get to see otherwise. This was what i was doing in between watching Elmo, wiping snot, feeding breakfast and diaper changes. I came across my friend Kristen's blog and it touched my heart in a special place. Long story short they are trying to adoption out of Ethiopia from what I understand and authorities are scaling way back on the amount of adoptions from this area. She had a link to sign a petition to change this, so I did. Here's the link http://www.gopetition.com/petition/43714.html so you can also sign if that's something your interested in.
Adoption is something that is beyond any other gift a child can receive. So this morning among all the daily routine of caring for my own child I hope I helped Kristen and all the others families looking and hoping to adopt from Ethiopia someday care for their future children!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
I have no words to even begin to describe Aiden's relationship with his grandpa, bump-pa as he calls him. He comes in the room and it's as if no one else matters or hold any merit. It melts my heart the way these two have bonded. I think their bond go's both ways and that to me makes it all the more special. I think grandparents are such a blessing in a child's life, they give that child something that I'm convinced they will never get from anyone else. My father so enjoys his time with Aiden, they have 'man caves' under the blankets, they read stories, play ball and share a whole lot of love! I'm so glad my child has such a great family to grow up it. I can't wait to see how his relationship with his grandpa and all the other family grows as he gets bigger. But until then hers a peek at why my heart just melts when I see these two special men in my life together!