Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Nina update

I wrote awhile back about all of what Aiden has been up to lately and even though it's taken me a bit I finally have a few minutes to talk about my little lady cakes! Melina or Nina as she is more often called in this house is just growing so fast. What they say about the second growing up fast, i find true, so i treasure as much with her as a I can. She has her birthday back in December and has been growing right along. While still small, don't count her out for anything! Her big brother has defiantly prepared her for the world out there, she is one tough girl. I love how she bounces back even when she falls, or as it may be at times gets pushed over. I think of how strong of a woman she will become one day. I hope she takes these "lessons" of sorts and always stands up for herself and what she believes in, and when she falls in life will always get right back up and keep going.

She is walking, doing some talking, lots of signs, and loves to just be a part of everything around her. I treasure her giggles, her drama, and her love of books. She is much more adventuresome than Aiden was, she likes to go off to her room and play, read her books and have fun all my herself. She is full of drama, she loves to tell you what she thinks of everything, words or not so teen hood should be a trip! She wants to walk everywhere she goes, which I love to see people’s reaction so most of the time I let her.

Nina LOVES her daddy. While she said "mama" first she will always say "dada" with a huge smile on her face. She lights up to see him each morning and when he comes home in the evening. I love the way she pats his chest when he picks her up and gives her huge open mouth kisses to him often. It melts me to see their relationship grow and all that will come between them.

She also adores her big brother. They love to race the shopping cart/train push car all over the house laughing the whole way.  She wants to be where he is, doing what he is doing at all times.  While the fighting has started it doesn’t last long and most of the time despite my attempt to separate them they are play together again.  She is doing so much new and all Aiden does is want to help her be better and learn how to walk, use a fork, say new words, and she think the attention from his is great!  I pray that their relationship stay strong and she always looks up to Aiden the way she does today. 

She still has issues going to people outside the selected few she deems okay to stay with.  She cry/screams instantly at church which over the past few weeks has her causing total chaos in the nursery on two separate occasions.  My parents tell me her scream, because its’ not really a cry is exactly what I used to do as a baby.  My only response is pure apology, because at times, it’s very inconvenient and hear bleeding annoying.  She knows what she wants and won’t give till she gets it.  Strong willed very much like her brother! 

She’s my awesome little lady and I just love her to death!  Her a few pictures of her recently to wrap up!


Monday, March 11, 2013

Aiden update

My how the kids grow, too fast, as everyone has always told me. I wanted to update on these two ever growing little lives that run around my house and at some points drive me crazy. Today I'll start with Aiden.

Aiden is such a smart boy, i love as his speech improves all he is able to communicate to us and how funny he is. He's spend three and a half years taking in the world and I'm sure he will spend the next many years to come telling us all about what he thinks of it. He loves going to his playgroup Monday and Wednesday morning, he is doing so well with all his therapy and next fall with go to a Pre-K program.

Aiden loves to sing, dance, and play his guitar. Many times a day we find him asking us to "play in the band" with him. Church is a big part of his week, he looks forward to going to “sing at church”.  He looks up to our worship leaders and really wants to be like them.  He loves to wear his plaid shirt, because in some unwritten rule to lead worship you must love plaid.  Both Anthony and Tara are great with Aiden, I love to see his interact with each of them. 

The other day I had a moment with Aiden that I hope to never forget.  As mentioned above Aiden really likes to listen to music and recent has become obsessed with the song Join in the Sound By Brother’s Mcclurg., he has so graciously renamed it to “tune my heart” however.  I’m actually surprised at how much of the song he can sing by himself.  The other day when he was singing he asked why we tune our hearts to God.  I got the awesome chance to help the seed of Jesus’s love for him grow deeper in his heart.  He didn’t want to ask Jesus in his heart right then, but someday soon he said.  My heart grew that day, greatful for the love of Jesus that is growing in my son.  I can’t wait for the day he ask me to help him “tune his heart” to Jesus forever.


He adores his little sister, now that she is getting older their relationship is only growing stronger and more fun to watch.  He loves watching all of Melina’s milestones and being her biggest supporter!  Even with simple things he always is telling her “I’m so proud of you Nina.”  It melts my heart daily to see them together, interacting and the love they share.  On the flip side Aiden is realize all his stuff is not so “safe” anymore.  He gets frustrated at times when he wants to play by himself, but learning to live with her, and future siblings (no that’s not a hint) and share are great lessons. 

While I love watching my little baby boy grow up into a boy it saddens me a little as he needs me less and less in life.  I know he will always need his mom, but in other ways and I’m so excited that I’m doing something right and he is becoming so independent.   He has started telling me “you my babe mommy, you my babe.”  While I think he listens to Brandon and my conversations more than we think, I find it cute!  While most of the time I feel the love overflow from him, a month or so ago for the first time ever he told me “I not love you anymore mommy.”  Man, talk about being broken instantly.  As Aiden gains his independence he has started learning the power of words.  We’ve sense gotten over that little stage and I’m so thankful, it took all I had to deal with that for two days. 


I’m so blessed to be his Mommy and look forward to what the future has in store for him and his life!  I leave you with a  few snapshots of my favorite little man!

Sunday, March 3, 2013

How Death Has Made Me View Life

This blog has been in my mind, on my heart for so long but just never felt like the right time.  I hardly post, at all, yet let alone about things that are this type of personal.  In the beginning of December my Aunt Donna passed away.  While it wasn't totally unexpected, in ways it was.  My aunt has been "sick" for a very long time.  Physically she was in a constant state of pain that no doctor was ever able to officially diagnose.  Emotionally my aunt went through a lot in her lifetime so that also contributed to a lot of her emotional health and well being. 

Almost 10 years ago my parents choose to try and help my Aunt and have her come live with us, at the time there was hope in finding out more about her physical health issues.  With all the pain she was in she took a lot of pain medication to function, it was hardcore, mind changing, down right scary medication, and even then I don't think the pain ever fully went away.  In so many ways my aunt was such a strong lady, she endured a lot, but always gave praise to God, and look forward to her day to meet Him face to face.  She was a very heavenly minded person, something that I look back and really admire about her now. 

Within the years she spent her in New York with us we all had trials, hurts, and a lot of life changing moments.  Without going too far into detail, I personally was effected throughout those years she spent with us.  The hurt, the disappointment, the anger of it all I carried with me for so long.  This person was not who I had grown up knowing, who I was so excited to have come live with me.  In my high school years I battled finding who I was while as any normal teenager does, I had the pain of some one's thoughts about me, screwed thoughts, being shown to me too often.  I hurt, my heart, my mind, and deep in my soul as well.  I have carried those thoughts that were put into my head for so long without even realizing their power over me. 

There was a period of time where my Aunt had come to realize some of what had gone on in the previous years.  I remember so clearly, we met a week my parents were on vacation for dinner at her house.  As we met my heart was hard, guarded and not so sure how to soften myself towards her.  I listen, I accepted her apology she offered on the surface, but the wall between us, in never fell.  I held on to the principal that while I can forgive, forgetting and bringing down my walls was not something I had to do, so there they stood, till the day she died.

I knew one day Aunt Donna would pass away, but unlike any other person I've ever imagined this reality about, I never knew how my heart would feel when that day came.  It has come, and gone and I tell you, sometimes I still do not know how to feel.  Before the funeral I sat, and looked at the body of the person that had caused so much pain in my life, yet good times as well.  I was frozen, couldn't cry, could make my head stop spinning, and then all I felt was her disapproval of my life.  I remember all that could come out of my mouth was "she didn't like me, she didn't like me, she didn't like me." All I saw was the pain, the voice of lies, and the horrible past.  I know in my heart my Aunt loved me, I know she is truly sorry for all that the past years has brought to us but my heart still hurts.  I try so hard, even to this day to see our good times, the positives and memories that I want to remember about our relationship. 

Today I hurt for the things unsaid, the wall that i felt so strongly to keep there, hoping one day I would have the opportunity to bring it down.  I hurt that the time that came,and went, for the times I held on to my pain.  Once someone passes away, your time is gone, it will never be there again on this earth, whatever you left with that person is how it will be until you get to join them in heaven.  While I make no claims on when anyone will die, or go to heaven ,I do know more than anything that I never want to feel this way with someone else ever again.  I never want to go to another funeral with hurts, or resentment in my heart, the feeling of words that have gone unsaid. 

Dear Aunt Donna,
    While I'd give anything to be able to say this to you in person, I know you wait for me, as whole as you've ever been in heaven.  I'm sorry for my wall, while it had it's place and time I wish we had a better relationship.  Thank you for teaching me about living for today, to love those that I love %100, to say 'i'm sorry' when needed, and to take no relationship for granted.  While I still have people I want to put the past behind me with, I now understand why doing it tomorrow may not always work.  I love you, and I look forward to the day I get to see you again.

                                                                           Much love,