Today I'm still a little unsteady on my "crutches" i should say. I went to the Dr. and everything looks fine, he says I'm just very tense. I learned a lot that a lot of my pain is from how tencse, scared and rigid i am, and i need to basically "loosen up". So my mom came and stayed with me for part of the day, and she asked if i wanted to get lunch out, or eat in. instantly i said eat in, i can't outside, i may fall, it may hurt so much i cry, so much unknown is out there, i can't possible go out, right!?!? Well basically we talked a lot about facing our fears, the fear mostly right now of giving up control. I have been in control mostly of my body due to everything that has taken place to cause me to not trust others with anything, and as she pointed out, today i have no choice but to trust those helping me, trust the doctor, and ultimately trust God. (smart woman she it ;))
So today i let go, relaxed and and faced the fear, even as small as leaving the house, but ya know what?? I DID IT!! mostly you prob. think I'm crazy, but that's fine because there was such a liberating feeling in knowing that i can do this, I'm going to be ok, and i can trust people, even after being hurt.
God works through all, and it all works out!
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